I Went to Hadley’s Hope

There are a number of fists associated with a house move — first night in the new house, first time trying out this restaurant or that one, first tomato from the new garden. Well, The Mrs and I crossed off another one last weekend: the first movie in the local theater. This might not seem like a big deal to most people, but the truth is that we rarely go out to the show. My theater going is usually relegated to the Drive-In and small historical theatres augmented by free previews. The Mrs goes even less often. She’s pretty sure it has been a couple of years since she saw a movie in the theater, long enough that she can’t remember what it was.

Thanks to the fine people at Movie Reelist, we won two free tickets to Alien: Romulus. This was especially beneficial as I sort of wanted to see it on the big screen but I do my best to avoid financially supporting the whole sequel-remake-reboot-creatively bankrupt-swirling-cesspool thing. Did I enjoy the flick? Check out my review on Otherworldly Culture.

Sidenote: It was kind of cool, in a geeky way, to finish watching an Alien movie, then use the electric buttons to return the seat to an upright position.

Listening To: The Night of the Living Rez by Morgan Talty, an engaging and entertaining collection of short stories which explore life in the Penobscot community.

Currently Reading:  Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop: And Other Practical Advice in Our Campaign Against the Fairy Kingdom by Reginald Bakeley. This one is a quick but hysterical read. Bakeley identifies various fairy folk and tells the modern reader how to defend against them (and occasionally how to field dress and prepare them as meals). This book is a must have for those of us who have recently moved away from the urban center and are now more likely to encounter the fae in one form or another.

Current Obsession: All things Xenomorph. Seriously, so many deep dives.

ScreamCraft Expo was last Saturday and we would once again like to thank everyone who came out despite the weather. We started doing outdoor events as a result of COVID and this was the first time that we have encountered any rain — and it made up for it. Still, we had a great time and are looking forward to next year.

Our next show will also be an outdoor event — Wicked Bizarre, Saturday 7 September, at the Wayne County Fairgrounds in Belleville, MI.

We are excited to announce that all of the submissions for our upcoming anthology have been edited and sent off to the authors. As they are approved, we will start the formatting process. Our aim is to have the new collection out in time for Halloween.

The Xenomorph, that scary ass creature from Alien (1979) has been terrorizing me since before I saw the movie. I was only 10 years old when it first came out, so I was not able to see it in the theater (something which I have since rectified). Naturally, this did not stop me from knowing all about it from secondary sources like magazines and those lucky enough to have snuck into the show.

My best friend’s brother, however, was old enough to see it. He not only saw the movie, he somehow managed to acquire a life sized cardboard standee of the Xeno in all its glory. We found this out when we snuck into his room and into his closet (actually a long attic like hallway) where he had placed it to scare us into leaving his stuff alone.

I was old enough to see the sequel in the theater. Another friend and I went to a midnight showing at a local mall. After the movie, we got into our car, turned to each other, then we each opened our doors and looked underneath the vehicle to make sure that there were no Alien Queens hitching a ride. Neither of us wanted to be “Bishoped.”

(Between that, the fact that I was reading It, and that I was alone in the house for the weekend…let’s just say that there were a lot of lights on in the house and I made the dog stay with me when I went to sleep—on the couch.)

I also consumed a lot of other, now non-cannon Alien material. I was a huge fan of the Dark Horse comic series. My Space Jockey will always be a giant biped with an elephant trunk and the “Engineers” can fuck all the way off. I’ve got coffee table books of H.R. Giger’s artwork. I’ve read and later listened to the adaptation of William Gibson’s treatment for the third film in the franchise.

Let’s not sugarcoat it. I’ve got Funkos, plushies, a Weyland-Yutani travel mug, a magnet from Don England featuring Marvin the Martian taking on a Xenomorph, and the picture above is my actual fireplace (and those two pieces are heavy.)

I love me some Alien stuff.

Part of the reason I find the franchise, at least the portions I enjoy, so appealing is that it features everyday Schmoes dealing with something waaaay beyond what they should be able to take on. The universe is gritty and rundown. Our characters are Jill and Joe Everyone, weighed down by giant corporations. I can relate to them. This is one of the reasons I dislike the most recent films by Ridley Scott. One of many. But I suppose I should talk about the other films first.

Alien (1979) The best of the bunch. The pinnacle of sci-fi horror. ‘nuff said.

Aliens (1986) A classic ‘80s action movie. While others have complained about the genre switch, I think it was a good move to not try and remake the first film. So many classic lines.

Alien3 (1992) I have started to hate this film less, but I will never forgive them for killing off Newt and Hicks offscreen. That was some serious cinematic bullshit.

Alien Resurrection (1997) Speaking of cinematic bullshit… Actually, there are some days that this is OK, provided I’m in the right mood, less than sober, and stop watching before that hybrid thing shows up. The Xenos in the water scene is cool. Brad Dourif chews every bit of scenery they let him near. Still, the scariest thing in this movie is Dan Hedaya’s back hair in that tee shirt.

Alien vs. Predator (2004) This film does not in any way shape or form live up to the comics it shares a name with. Still, this one is an all right popcorn movie. I’m always down to see Lance Hendriksen (did I mention I had lunch with him—well, we talked in the green room at ComiCon, but it counts!).

Alien vs Predator: Requiem (2007) I would love to review this movie, but I have no idea what happens in it because they never TURNED ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS! Seriously, darkest movie ever and not in that good way. Aliens v Predator v Twenty-somethings pretending to be Teens. Maybe it’s best I not know what is going on.

Prometheus (2012) No. Just no. If you want to make a movie about humanity’s search for its extraterrestrial origins, go for it. I understand the appeal. I read Chariots of the Gods. I can get behind the Uplift idea. But don’t try to shoehorn in a new origin for the Xenomorph. Everything is far too clean, far too shiny, and way too technologically advanced to have happened before the first film. We have 3D mapping technology, but the dudes in charge of it don’t know how to use it and get lost. Look! A scary mix of a plant, a penis, and a vagina! I think I’ll talk to it like a puppy and then try to kiss it! Dumbest scientists ever. Hey! I’m a trained military space person but I don’t know how to take three steps to the side to avoid getting run over by a rolling space ship. I’ve already complained about how much I hate the Engineers, but the idea that we can reanimate a head by connecting it to a car battery? Oh, and there is an advanced life support robotic surgery gizmo that doesn’t know what pregnancy is. And you can shove the black goo right up an Engineer’s ass.

Covenant (2017) No, you don’t get to be called Alien anything. You’re just Covenant. It’s hard to believe, but they managed to grab a bunch of scientists even dumber than the last batch. We have a world picked out to colonize, but let’s go to this one because reasons. We know nothing about this world, nah, we don’t need pressure suits or even face masks. Let’s just go tromp around like it’s a day in the park. David creates the Xenomorph? No, he doesn’t. Fuck no. We have a perfectly complex alien life cycle and if Scott wants something different, well make something different (This is my major complaint about sequels and reboots and reimaginings. We have Movie X and we love Movie X but we want to do something different. Fine. Do something different, but don’t call it Movie X. If you love Movie X so much and think that it needs a new audience, pay to rerelease Movie X. I’m looking at you Rob Zombie.). More Engineer bullshit. More black goo bullshit. More stupid people doing stupid things. And the David/Walter thing that we all saw coming 30 minutes into the movie. And that flute scene? Ugh. My eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain.

Alien: Romulus (2024) You can tell from my inclusion of the word “Alien” that I liked this one better than the previous couple. This looks like an Alien movie. This sounds like an Alien movie. It, for the most part, feels like an Alien movie. Did I love it? No. About two-thirds of the way in it starts to feel like a clip show. Still, I’ll take this one over some of the others any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Once again, to read more, click here.

Oh, and if you are wondering about the “why we don’t talk about certain movies” bit, it’s because I now need to double up on my blood pressure medicine, drink a Manhattan, and lie down for a bit. Until next week.